I Miss it.
I mean it's not like I need it but it would be nice to have it,
y'know everyone else has, and I mean fucking everyone.
But me.
And when you think about life you wonder if you ever will get it.
I've began to not believe in it,
Kind of the same way you stop believing in Father Christmas, or the tooth fairy.
People think it's because every time it happens to someone close to me, they get hurt.
But the truth is,That's only half of the story.
It's the fact that If it never happens to me,
why should I believe in it?
No-one wants me, so why should I bother trying to convince myself
That they do?

It hurts me, To think of everyone of my friend in my life probably has it
or have had it, and I don't even get close, And probably never will.
I've cried myself to sleep over this.
I'll die lonely. Without anyone.
I don't want that.
It petrifies me. Just the thought of it.
The thought of not being loved.
The thought of being scared to fall.
Because the harder they fall,
The the faster they crash.
But there's times in life,
Where I pine for someone.
Just to phone me or mail me,
Or even just TEXT me.
and say;

“I love you x”

And mean it.
Not in a friend way.
Or “Like a sister.”
But it'd never happen,
Partly because I have a crippling fear or rejection,
and a heart that's hit rock bottom, and self esteem to match.
But also because there's nothing to love about me.
I'm just a venomous, two faced annoying excuse
for a girl (That barely even looks like a girl.)
And it truly Fucking sucks.

But that's it,
That's how life is.
It sucks, completely.
Some people never get a “...Happily ever after.”
I just have to accept I'll always be one on those people.